Home Trouble

I always have the hardest time at home... the hardest time getting along with my family. I get... aggressive at times. I've come to realize that I never really gotten over their failure to protect me. They knew what my older brother was doing to me.... they knew becuase I told them. Sure they gave me the usual advice on how to protect myself... and they always talked about doing things like making it so we were never home alone together, or putting a lock on the door, but they never got around to doing it. I once told them about a dream that I woke up and he was in my room with a flashlight, and I was scared and he shushed me... what I never told them was that it wasn't a dream. I don't know what he was planning in my room that night, he never did anything, but somehow I don't want to know.

One of the worst memories I had came back to me recently... I had almost forgotten about the incident, even though I never forgot about the aftermath. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. I was down in my brother's room, even though I don't remember why I was down there in the first place. Nor do I remember who was home at the time. What I do remember was his hand covering my mouth so no one could hear me scream...

The pain, the fear.... I've spent my life wishing I could just forget. I've even tried to forget, drowning everything in a bottle of Vodka. A lot of good that did me, since I ended up turning to him when I got sick. And not before he had the chance to hurt me again. I'm somewhat glad that the effects of alcoholic blackouts blocks out almost everything except bits and pieces... what I can't block out was what he told me the next day. I think his words may haunt me forever.