There was blood on my hands again today. I tried to look where it came from but I couldn't see any blood at the back of my throat. That doesn't mean much. Either the blood is from further down, or quite possibly the blood could be from my air passage. I may have accidentally scratched it with a nail when I was too forceful. My head hurts, my stomach hurts, my throat hurts. And still I feel like I can't stop. A little blood is never enough to make me stop, unless I feel like the anxiety has gone away enough that I can last. The time I really scratched up the back of my throat, I kept going even after I saw blood. It wasn't until the actual pain from the scratch hit me that I stopped. And even then I did try to continue but it just hurt to much. I am weak. That's the reason I can't stop, the reason I go on and on. There's a patch of skin on my hand that is ugly and will probably scar. It's from rubbing against on of my teeth... most likely my messed up eye tooth. It's gotten calassed so it doens't even hurt any more. That very fact makes me sad, for it shows me just how bad it's gotten. And yet still I continue.
I am weak
The title of this post is in reference to a line from a movie or show I don't really remember. And in reflection it's not really appropriate for the content but since I couldn't think of anything better I stuck with it.
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