Have you ever had thoughts of just ending it all? Earlier today I had one of those rare occurences. By rare I mean it wasn't triggered by depression, or thoughts of despair. Simply a single line in a story I was reading. "10 minutes". Ten minutes later and he would have never awakened. I don't even think the line actually mentioned waking up. Just the ten minutes. But the idea was there. And suddenly I found a grim picture jumping to my mind. A picture of taking all the medications I have, all at once, and simply lying down to sleep for ever.
Moral of this story: Stories about torture and abuse + lack of sleep do not a good combination make.
For those 10 seconds, while the picture was still resonating in my mind, was the second longest 10 seconds of my life.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Trip Update
So I posted a while ago about how I was excited about a trip I was going to be taking soon. Well now it's months past that trip, and I can still remember it like it was yesterday. Me and my friend PB drove down to a friend's place, where another friend was also staying. We spent the first night drinking, and "catching up" at Kep's place. The second day though, we embarked on the real purpose of our trip, "camping". We went out into the woods and set up tents. Well rather me and Kep set up the tents, while PB and K were doing other stuff.
We then walked down to the creak that ran through the campgrounds. WE started off wading. K and PB were afraid of this giant ass frog, but I wanted to poke it :( Then we were all standing around, and Kep was telling us about the natural slide's and I said I was up for anything. His respionse was "Anything?" and I was like "Yah, anything" and then the jerk pushed me in! Anyways so I was already wet, so we decided we would try and find the natural slides.
We went walking through the woods tryign to find the slide's. At one point we had to climb down to a lower path, and it took a while to convince K and PB it was safe to come down. Eventually we did though, and they climbed down.
We didn't end up finding the natural slides, but we did end up swimming in some deeper pools of water. It took a while to convince K and PB to come into the water, but eventually they did. K wouldn't step anywhere that she couldn't see the bottom.
As we were on our way back from swimming, we randomly met Kep's dad in the middle of the forest. That was weird becuase there was literally no one else around. It turned out good though, because Kep's dad lent us his hatchet.
After we got back, and everyone changed into dry clothes, we decided that we needed to go out and get firewood so we could cook lunch, and at the same time we would pick up smore's and Kep would get a change of clothes from his house.
When we got back from picking stuff out, K was already drunk, as she had been mixing drinks while we were gone. She hadn't even had that much to drink though, it was just the effect of drinking on an empty stomach.
So after we got back we headed back down to the grilling pits near the creak. It took Kep forever to get the fire going, and even longer for it to be hot enough to start cooking food. He cooked a hot dog for K when it wasn't ready yet becuase K was really hungry.
When the food was finally cooked though, it tasted phenominal so I guess Kep is a pretty good cook.
After we finished with eating (at like 9 o'clock I think) we went back and made a campfire back at camp. We sat around mixing drinks and talking around the camp fire. At one point I went off to go pee in the woods, and went out so far that I couldn't see the campfire anymore. Luckily I had my flashlight on, because as I started walking back towards what I thought was camp, I heard K call out to me. Apparently I had been going off in the wrong direction entirely!
It was about 5'oclock in the morning when we remembered about making smores. So we decided not to let the smore stuff go to waste and made some, even though the chcoolate was kind of melted already from being left out.
For all the work that went into putting up the tents, we didn't use them that much. Me, PB, and Kep only slept for a few hours each. K didn't sleep at all becuase she wasn't quite comfortable with the idea of sleeping in the woods, since it was her first time camping.
The next day we cleaned up camp and went back to Kep's apartment. K fell asleep on the couch where PB, Kep and I played Uno and then War. We each one a couple of rounds of uno, but once we started playing War, PB was winning every time. After that we talked for a bit, and eventually it was time for us to go home.
Oh ya, back at the house, Kep made us french toast and it was good.
So in the end PB and I headed home. We almost had to stop and come back twice because we thought we had left something there. But overall it was a fun trip
We then walked down to the creak that ran through the campgrounds. WE started off wading. K and PB were afraid of this giant ass frog, but I wanted to poke it :( Then we were all standing around, and Kep was telling us about the natural slide's and I said I was up for anything. His respionse was "Anything?" and I was like "Yah, anything" and then the jerk pushed me in! Anyways so I was already wet, so we decided we would try and find the natural slides.
We went walking through the woods tryign to find the slide's. At one point we had to climb down to a lower path, and it took a while to convince K and PB it was safe to come down. Eventually we did though, and they climbed down.
We didn't end up finding the natural slides, but we did end up swimming in some deeper pools of water. It took a while to convince K and PB to come into the water, but eventually they did. K wouldn't step anywhere that she couldn't see the bottom.
As we were on our way back from swimming, we randomly met Kep's dad in the middle of the forest. That was weird becuase there was literally no one else around. It turned out good though, because Kep's dad lent us his hatchet.
After we got back, and everyone changed into dry clothes, we decided that we needed to go out and get firewood so we could cook lunch, and at the same time we would pick up smore's and Kep would get a change of clothes from his house.
When we got back from picking stuff out, K was already drunk, as she had been mixing drinks while we were gone. She hadn't even had that much to drink though, it was just the effect of drinking on an empty stomach.
So after we got back we headed back down to the grilling pits near the creak. It took Kep forever to get the fire going, and even longer for it to be hot enough to start cooking food. He cooked a hot dog for K when it wasn't ready yet becuase K was really hungry.
When the food was finally cooked though, it tasted phenominal so I guess Kep is a pretty good cook.
After we finished with eating (at like 9 o'clock I think) we went back and made a campfire back at camp. We sat around mixing drinks and talking around the camp fire. At one point I went off to go pee in the woods, and went out so far that I couldn't see the campfire anymore. Luckily I had my flashlight on, because as I started walking back towards what I thought was camp, I heard K call out to me. Apparently I had been going off in the wrong direction entirely!
It was about 5'oclock in the morning when we remembered about making smores. So we decided not to let the smore stuff go to waste and made some, even though the chcoolate was kind of melted already from being left out.
For all the work that went into putting up the tents, we didn't use them that much. Me, PB, and Kep only slept for a few hours each. K didn't sleep at all becuase she wasn't quite comfortable with the idea of sleeping in the woods, since it was her first time camping.
The next day we cleaned up camp and went back to Kep's apartment. K fell asleep on the couch where PB, Kep and I played Uno and then War. We each one a couple of rounds of uno, but once we started playing War, PB was winning every time. After that we talked for a bit, and eventually it was time for us to go home.
Oh ya, back at the house, Kep made us french toast and it was good.
So in the end PB and I headed home. We almost had to stop and come back twice because we thought we had left something there. But overall it was a fun trip
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