Love

You know what, I've decided I have no doubts at all. If things are meant to be than everything will turn out. He's sincere, I know he is.


He makes me feel so happy. Talking to him is always the brightest point in my day. I haven't felt this happy in a long time. It doesn't really take much to make my day. I love him so much, and he means the world to me. I have no doubts, and I can finally start dealing with those deep seeded trust issues I know and love so dear (/sarcasm).

On another note, I think one of my new years resolutions is to blog more frequently... and more happier stuff. I've realized that a lot of my posts last year are about.... unfortunate stuff. I'm hoping that this year will bring much more positive things to the table.

God I'm just so happy right now :). I think I've finally remembered how to smile. And not those fake "social smiles" when you are just trying to please the other person, real, genuine smiles.

Fear

One should not fear the dark... that is the complete absence of light. For in complete and total darkness there is nothing. Hidden sounds may spook us, but when no light can reach our eyes, we simply cannot see what isn't there. It is in the semi-darkness to which we are accustomed that fear lays.

Semi-darkness is the breeding ground of the monster. For without light, there can be no shadows. And it is in these shadows, and the semi-covert outlines, where monsters lie. Every little creak frightens us, and then imagination takes hold. The most innocent of objects, which to our eyes are not clearly defined, become the most menacing. Clothes turned into ghosts or devils. It is here that the monster is born.

Love...

I think I'm falling in love. Or have fallen in love already. I don't know. The point is, my own insecurities. He's told me how he feels in me, but the doubts in the back of my mind tell me he's too good for me. Even though I trust him completely. Most days I have no doubts at all, everything I feel just washes them all away. But I'm alone... say studying for class, those doubts come flying back. But I shall not let them rule me.

What will happen? Only time will tell.

First post of 2010

Yes I know it's like a week late for a first post. But here it is anyways, a little belated.

I suddenly realized that the suicidal ideations I talked about experiencing a while back have dissapeared completely. And I'm glad of it. That's alleviated some of my anxiety as I am not longer constantly worried I will do something disaterous not becuase I want to, but because I feel compelled to.

Oddly enough, the dissapearance of these thoughts coincides pretty closely to the return of a certain person into the regular flow of my life. It may be silly, but I really do think he may have chased away the demons, as I care about him deeply, and I know he cares for me. I just won't tell him that because he may think me crazy. Plus I don't want him to worry over the fact that I was having those thougths, since they weren't intentional or anything.

He told me something a while ago that stuck with me. About how he could never commit suicide knowing the people he would hurt. This has stuck with me, and helped me fight off the urges whenever they came.